Mom’s weekend

I came to the Union to study and ended up being inundated by crowds of moms and daughters smiling, fighting, shopping, embarrassing one another…

In undergrad I  always hated this weekend, but only because it glaringly reminded me of what I didn’t have. I’d go out with all of my roomies and their moms, but always felt out of place as the girl without one.

I used to think I was such a failure whenever I just missed her–as if it were a sign that I were  a weak Christian, with little faith, who valued things of the earth more than Christ alone–and so I bottled it all up in an attempt to be the “strong” girl.

Today God was reminding me just how unbiblical my thinking was

John 11:33-36: When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”

ESV Study Bible (<–which is sweeeet btw): Jesus joins his friends’ sadness with heartfelt sorrow, yet underlying it is the knowledge that resurrection and joy will soon follow (cf. 1 Thess. 4:13). Jesus’ example shows that heartfelt mourning in the face of death does not indicate lack of faith but honest sorrow at the reality of suffering and death.

So yeah, 8 years later, I still miss my mom. But underlying it is the knowledge that resurrection and joy is a promise to come. yay.

New Blog Address! v

I’m in the process of moving my old blog to this one.

Change your bookmarks/subscriptions! (All 15 of you!)

http://elanameesun.wordpress.com

Missing the Point

During the Christmas season it’s so easy to miss the point. To get caught up in idols of false generosity and materialism–and the clutch one for me—the image of having a perfect family, with a yummy dinner, that warm tingly feeling deep inside, the *Nsync Christmas album playing in the background, and dysfunction out of sight. Is this idolized perfection really supposed to be representative of a King coming to earth as a Servant in a ghetto manger?

If you haven’t noticed, I haven’t blogged in months. (Not that my blogging is a a good standard of measurement for my relationship with Christ, but in this example it kinda works). See I haven’t blogged in months (among many other things I’ve neglected) because I’ve been to “busy”—caught up in missing the Point.

In an effort to “serve” Christ in new roles and ways this semester, I’ve often found my heart caught up in striving to make things perfect, being the most effective as possible, thinking WAY to much about how others perceive me, worrying and not surrendering, forgetting about other people in my life that I’m also called to love, giving up or failing and then wallowing in guilt and self-condemnation.

It’s not that all of these things are bad to have on my heart (tho some clearly are!). But it is when they’re the goal, and not the means to something bigger (*cough*Jesus*cough*).

Don’t get me wrong, the semester has been great and full of sprouts of growth and new fruit. But continuously, I see myself missing the point. Missing it in my relationship with others and missing it ultimately in my relationship with Christ. I can’t believe I’ve spent a majority of the last two decades not even realizing there was a Point that could be missed!

Learning how to be a redeemed “love-me” and praying that you and I both will remember the Point this Christmas and throughout the year:

He answered: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” (Luke 10:27-28)

Jerusalem Ministry

Psalm 68:5-6: A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing

Jerusalem Ministry is the orphanage NGO I volunteered with when I was in Korea. If you can’t tell from past blogs, my time there had a HUGE impact on my personal relationship with God, the areas I believe God may be calling me to serve in (now and in the future), and my perspective of His work around the world!

I wanted to write an entry to plug their sweeeeeeeet new website! Check it out!

They currently have volunteers in several of Seoul’s children’s homes who are working as God’s hands and feet via developing loving relationships, teaching English and other events. I’m pretty sure they’re always looking for prayerful, full time volunteers that will commit to ministry for 1 year (and if you’re already in Korea, you can volunteer weekly with a 6 month commitment). If you have a heart to break down the walls of injustice surrounding orphaned/abandoned children in East Asia, JM is a great organization to serve with or pray for!

Budgeting my billions (of pennies)

I (shamefully) admit I still shop at places like Wal-Mart…but I quickly justify it as a way to save money, allowing me to give more…plus, I’m a “poor” grad student with lots of school loans…and at least i’m not using their plastic bags anymore, isn’t that good enough?… But I don’t know how much longer my conscience will allow me to continue consuming cheap crap that keeps others poor, ceo’s rich, and a few extra dollars in my pocket.

Reading a friend’s (who is way smarter than I on issues like this) entry on the “Ethics of Consumption” got me thinking about “How do I afford to have a conscience when I’m on a tight budget?” Compared to the average college student, I think I live pretty simply, but compared to most of the world, I live like a queen! How can I truly use my small amount of–yet God-given– money for His purposes?

Bookmark Blessings

Today I was reading on the Quad in between classes when the cutest elementary school girl ever came up to me.

“Excuse me, this is for you,” she said with a huge smile on her face.

After she handed me the bookmark she ran off to her group of friends, yelling “Wow, this really isn’t as hard as I thought! People are actually really nice!”

Her group of young friends were literally running all over the Quad handing out their bookmarks to whoever was in sight. Different ages, races, handicaps and people who looked like they were in a hurry or even those in deep conversation with someone else…though they were shy at first, nothing stopped them from sharing their gift.

I wish I got that pumped to share the gift to everyone I run in to.

How absurd.

Excerpts from a recent class discussion on absurd suggestions people give to many of the people the social work profession seeks to help:

“You’re unemployed? You must be lazy, get a job.”
(Unemployment from outsourced jobs that aren’t being replaced or local stores that Wal-Mart forces to close? Underemployment?)

“You’re homeless? Go find a home!”
(Over flowing and under-funded shelters? Horrid public housing? Gentrification? And for those middle-classers…foreclosure crisis?)

“You’re mentally ill? Why don’t you just feel better?”
(If you were an Iraq veteran with severe PTSD, how would you feel if someone told you that?)

“You have a problem? Pray about it!”
(insert cringing here)

After my initial defensiveness wore off, the parallel became glaringly obvious. How messed up is the world’s (and often my own) twisted perception of prayer?!

We long for others to experience the power of prayer, yet we often don’t know it for ourselves. If we did, I’d bet we’d have a little more empathy and tact. How absurd are we?

In need of new glasses

So part of the reason I really felt God leading me to stay in Champaign for grad school was because I could sense He concurrently wanted me to get some more spiritual training –even more so than a social work education. It’s been really cool to see both areas are intersecting…

At church the other day we were talking about seeing others & ourselves “in view of God’s mercy” (Rom. 12:1) and what that actually means.

The next day in class we were going over hypothetical situations and applying the cardinal values of social work. One of the values is: “Social workers respect the inherent dignity and worth of the person.”

Seems like a pretty easy concept, right? Until you get a situation like this:
You’re a child protective services worker, and your client is a 33 yr .old stepfather whose 12 yr. old stepdaughter ran away from home after he sexually abused her several times over the last few months. In your first meeting he states that he “doesn’t know what the big deal is…it’s not like we’re related or anything.”

We all pretty much acknowledged our utter disgust and a strong desire to kick that guy in the junk. Unfortunately, that doesn’t quite correlate with “respecting” the client.

So what does treating him with respect actually mean? Someone mentioned that when she feels judgmental/strong feelings in regards to a client, she tries to think that maybe it’s not the “person” who is bad, but bad things that have happened to them…maybe he was sexually abused too. (And just to clarify, I am by no means pardoning his ridiculous actions, but effectively helping the client—the man, not the child—in this situation involves looking at him from a different perspective than one of wanting to strangle him. That means accepting him as a legit person, not a sick, twisted man.)

That being said, all I could think was, “how the heck do you actually do that? Acceptance is the last response I would ever think of!”

And then the phrase “in view of God’s mercy” started to replay in my head. We were given mercy–forgiveness, redemption, sanctification–not to hoard it and use it as a tool of pride, but to pour that mercy out to others through offering our “bodies as living sacrifices holy and pleasing to God.”

Recently I heard a sermon saying that when we look at people/situations with our physical eyes we just see things in how they relate to us and our feelings. But if we look at people/situations through a spiritual lens, we see things in relation to God. When we see clients, family, racism, Bush, natural disasters or extreme poverty, we can have hearts full of mercy and love…or there’s anger, hopelessness and hurt.

Looking at my own heart, by His ridiculous grace, even I am within the limitless means of God’s mercy. And so is the man in this hypothetical…But would I actually give it to him?

I am (not?) scared of tornadoes.

Lately the Midwest has been struck with a buttload of rain and scary storms. Since I was little I hated tornadoes. One time in junior high there was a tornado just 1 block away from my house! I didn’t actually see it because I was burrowed in our hallway closest with my blankey/puppy, while bargaining with God. But the rest of the neighborhood saw it cause they were all on their front porches. I don’t know how those storm chasers do it. So crazy.

During work last week there were more storm warnings, so I was a little uneasy. My supervisor, another employee and I were chatting about storms and I asked my supervisor to make sure she told me if there was a tornado warning (so then I could start bargaining with God again, ha).

“Why? Are you scared of them?” she asked.
“Yeah! I’ve always had a fear of tornadoes!”
Then all of sudden…staring me down, she asks “Do you know Jesus Christ!?!!!“
“Whoa…umm…well….yes…yes, I do actually…”
“Then you shouldn’t be fearin’ ANYTHING!… If you would’ve said no, I ‘d be telling you about Jesus Christ right now. But since you didn’t, you shouldn’t be fearin’ any storm.”

The conversation was a lot more ridiculous in person, but wow was I rebuked. I kinda wish she would’ve started to tell me about Jesus Christ at the time, cause I’ve clearly been in need of a reminder of the Gospel. Starting grad school and moving through this transition period with my friends all moving around, etc. has been a bit unsettling. It’s usually a lot more natural for me to “burrow in my closet” and succumb to fear, than it is to stand firm and claim the promises of God!

But my supervisor was right…we shouldn’t be fearin’ anything… tornadoes, relationships, total depravity, McCain, finishing graduate school and not liking social work, monsters under the bed, etc. God is bigger than it all.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Tim. 1:7

One week down, 2 years to go.

Is it horrible that I’m already starting a countdown to graduation?

I started the Masters in Social Work (MSW) program at U of I last week and I absolutely love it so far! Academically-speaking, getting your MSW is nothing compared to an MBA, JD, or researching engineer-like stuff (I have no idea what they actually do…they just seemingly bring a lot of money into the school and work really hard).

These are some of my books…THICK books…(of which I borrowed from the library for free!) that’s one huge difference from undergrad…I’m already about 10 chapters behind in one class.

But mentally/emotionally-speaking, I can already tell this is going to be an uber challenging two years. Of course we’re learning therapy techniques, policy outlines and such, but these classes also force you to confront your own prejudices and past–the good and the bad, and what your convictions are and how you reconcile those with a professional field full of ethics and legitimate human beings.

We’re not dealing with designing a bridge, accounting books or a news story (tho I fully recognize each profession can hugely impact people–i.e. Minneapolis bridge collapse; Arthur Anderson; Watergate), but social work is directly working with real people…real brokenness…and a glaring (and freeing) reality that I can’t help everyone…I’m not God…and sin is very real and alive in people (including myself!), families, and systems in our world. (I think this is going to be a lesson I will be learning over and over again.)

I already find myself jotting down personal notes as if I were listening to a Sunday sermon during class. It will be interesting to see how convictions as a Christian and as a professional social worker intertwine and clash as I learn more about the profession. So get ready to read a lot of entries about social work and the soul for the next couple years!