“Find My Family”

I never knew it was so cool to be adopted until recently. I just got done watching ABC’s premiere episode of “Find My Family“–a show where they reunite “families” that have been “separated” by adoption, war, high school sweethearts, twins, etc.

My reaction is torn. First of all, I’m not really a huge fan of sensationalized, one-sided perspectives on adoption. Koreans love to play it up in their dramas, and i’m surprised America didn’t  do so sooner. But adoption is a triad, where most usually the child is in the dark and everyone else makes life-changing decisions for them. This episode heavily emphasized the biological parents’ story, said some about the daughter’s thoughts, and hardly even showed the face of the adoptive parents.

But the adoptive parents are the FAMILY. I know Koreans are big on blood lines too–but a family is one that changes your nasty diapers, loves you when you’re a difficult teenager, and raises you throughout your life.

That’s a whole other rant tho… I’m not knocking adoption by any means. I know it is one of the hardest decisions a parent may ever make and I believe it to be a far better option than many others that are out there. But I am bewildered at the media’s way of portraying the birth parents almost as victims, as well as often elevating the adoptive parents to Savior status.

(But these are just my opinions, pretty much every adoptee/adoptive parent/biological parent will have a different perspective. I’m glad to see adoptees who want to find their biological parents do so. But for this to be more than another reality tv show filled with sensationalism and tears, ABC has to do a better job at portraying a more balanced perspective.)

That being said, I’m so close to submitting as application to do the show right now. I understand it takes a lot of guts for a biolgical parent to take the risk and seek out the child they placed for adoption. I get that many (tho definitely not all) live lives filled with much hurt and regret. And after seeing friends and even one of my brothers meet their birth families, I know it can be a really fulfilling, wonderful experience just to get answers to some of your deepest questions.

Really, I’d love to find my biological parents and just tell them I’m doing well! To rest assured, that God is sovereign and you did make the right decision. I’m so truly thankful to be an adoptee! And, heck, it’d also be nice to see what I might look like when I’m 40 (should I start using crazy asian wrinkle cream now?!) or know if I have a genetic predisposition for some random form of cancer.

Anybody else think I should apply? I always thought my family’s unique story would make a good made for TV movie/Korean drama.

Happy “Orphan Sunday”??

Browsing the web I came across a blog proclaiming that today was “Orphan Sunday” — a day for the Church to stand up for orphans and bring awareness to their needs and adoption.

Does the name “Orphan Sunday” sound a little tasteless to anyone else but me? Maybe it’s just because I take everything a little too personally, but I found it a little offensive at first.

Why? Well, what do you think of when you hear the word “orphan”? The world has painted this picture of a skinny kid with sad eyes, Madeline or Buddy the Elf-esque, bratty, pity project, empty, detached, dirty, and unwanted. Typical responses that make being an orphan sound like you’re barely human and so desperately in need for others to save you.

Maybe I find it so offensive because in my pride I hate admitting that I am in many ways a skinny kid with  sad eyes, Madeline or Buddy the Elf-esque, bratty, pity project, empty, detached, dirty, and unwanted too–or at least before I was (literally and spiritually) adopted.

The connotations of “orphan” and associated themes of adoption go far beyond Angelina Jolie and little orphan Annie. God’s heart for the orphans (in the spiritual and physical realm) is truly amazing. Maybe if I really learn to understand what “orphan” means, this day won’t sound so tasteless, I’ll understand God’s hand in my own past a little more, and my heart for orphanage ministry will be a little more Biblical.

And so here goes my attempt to try to understand it more– a blog  series on different associations with orphans/adoptees than those of pity and shame. Stay tuned. You’re comments will be much appreciated

Uncomfortable assurance

Last night I was talking to one of my transracial Korean adoptee friends about how weird it was to be back at home in the relative homogeneity of central Illinois for the summer, and not around people who know what samgyopsal and patbingsu are. She empathized, “You don’t realize how uncomfortable you are, until you get comfortable and realize what that actually feels like!”

From the perspective of ethnic identity, once I became friends with others that could relate to Korean-adoptee culture, I finally felt very comfortable in my identity as a transracial Korean American adoptee. I didn’t realize how uncomfortable it was to have an ethnic identity so defined by others, until I realized how comfortable it was to actually have one of my own. (This is a book in itself, so I’ll leave it at that for now).

From a spiritual perspective, my recent weeks of rebellion have also opened my eyes to a similar concept in my relationship with God. I didn’t realize how uncomfortable it was to not speak to God on a regular basis…to not be in regular fellowship with the Body… to not meditate on grace and seek repentance… or to not have faith in His promises, until I first realized how comfortable it was to walk with Him regularly.

If anything, the past few weeks of slight rebellion have reassured me of my salvation and authenticated the progression in my walk with God over the last few years. A few years ago it wouldn’t have bothered me too much to not pray or to sleep in past 10 or to not spend quality time with my family. But, oh how uncomfortable that is now! This of course isn’t a justification for my rebelliousness, but a reminder of the fight that exists. And it’s a nice dose of humility, recognizing that this change is not because of my “doing” (b/c clearly, I haven’t been doing much of anything:), but because of His pursuing. At this point it’s so uncomfortable to avoid my true Love, that I’m pretty sure it’d be impossible to actually run away from Him even if I wanted too